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In the ongoing saga of R&B teen act Chris Brown's assault on pop princess Rihanna, details and rumors are flying around like Dorothy's house in Kansas. But what to believe?

We at Goosby Music have been working double time to sift through fact or fiction to get you the real story! And is it ever a story!

Our first juicy bit of intel involves Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry. The actress witnessed the entire occurrence from the driver seat of her beamer. We don't think her story holds much water because sources say that Bill Clinton's head was found somewhere around the vicinity of the entrance of her skirt, leaning over from the passenger seat. Scandalous!

A source close to Britney Spears tells us that a distraught Lindsay Lohan called Spears shortly after the incident. From what our insider tells us, Lohan had been contacted by Paris Hilton, the woman who started it all with her racy text to Chris Brown. Hilton, in a shocking display of potty mouth, told LiLo about the text she sent Brown: "I want to ride (Brown) like the wild bull he is", sparking jealousy in the small part of LiLo that is still straight. Spears comforted Lohan in the only way she knew how: she shaved half of Lindsay's hair off.

We hear a movie version of the events are in the works, with acclaimed director Spike Lee at the helm. Tentatively to play Brown and Rihanna: Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman. Look for it in theaters this Christmas.

Christian Bale has had a lot to say about the attack on Rihanna. Something about throwing chairs and many uses of the F-bomb. We hear that Bale has always had a "soft spot" for the Barbados beauty, and that once the anger subsides, all he can do is weep for her. Christian, I would gladly offer my shoulder to you if your unbalanced nature didn't scare me.

British legend David Bowie has extended his condolences to the ailing couple, stating that he has felt inspired to record a new album. He claims that it will be his best work in the last two decades. Sources tell us the lead single will be called "Black & Blue By Brown". Bowie could barely contain his excitement, often stopping our intimate discussion to wave his hands around and squeak with glee.

Fellow battered soul Amy Winehouse is apparently turning her life around because of the attack on Rihanna, sources saying she is "giddy with the prospect of doing the right thing". Whatever that means. Those same sources have informed us of the many notebooks Winehouse has used in doodling "Amy Brown" in cursive, big bold girly script, and sometimes in explicit graphic drawings. We wonder just who Winehouse is turning over a new leaf for, and what's under that leaf!

As more details emerge, we will be the first to tell you! See you soon loyal readers!